Returning to Art (Slowly)

I started my art course with the Milan Art Institute just before Christmas 2025. At the time, I didn’t just want something to do; I needed an outlet. I was mentally struggling, unravelling, and I felt so lost. I needed an anchor. I needed something that felt like mine again. Something that gave me a sense of purpose — something to show for where I am in life.

I used to paint, many, many years ago, but that side of me disappeared when I started a family and later changed careers. I also find it difficult to focus on many big tasks at once. Life got busy, priorities shifted, and creativity felt like too much of a luxury to spend time on. With hindsight, I now know I need creativity in my life because without it, my mental health really suffers.

Then everything changed again. At 40, I found myself retired, on the grounds of ill health, from a career I had worked so hard for, one I felt like I’d only just started. Alongside that came the reality of managing chronic health issues, while still showing up every day as a parent.

The things that once grounded me: running, dancing, freedom in movement, were no longer options. That loss was incredibly difficult to bear… and still is.

So I signed up for this art course.

Five months in, my progress has been slow. Slower than I’d like. But when I step back, I can see what I’ve actually achieved: seven paintings, two large drawings, and a handful of smaller sketches. That’s actually something I’m really proud of, especially given my circumstances. My bedroom is also my art studio, so on my bedbound days, it is nice to visual see my progress and plan for what I'm going to do next. 

But it hasn’t been easy. I get frustrated with the pace of my body and my brain. I want to do more, be more, create more. But I’m learning to hold myself in check, to remind myself that progress is still progress, no matter how small it feels. My health has to come first. My energy is limited and the most important place it goes is to my children.

One thing that’s really surprised me is the sketching. I nearly skipped that part of the course completely (don't tell them) as it’s my weakest skill. In my head, I’m thinking, I’m a painter, not a sketcher. But the truth is, I didn’t feel good enough. Sketching brought up all those familiar feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. It would have been easy to avoid it. But I pushed through it anyway… and I’m so glad I did because I actually enjoyed it and found it very therapeutic. And I surprised myself. It wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t need to be. That shift alone has been huge for me.

I’m not just learning techniques. I’m learning how to carry on when things feel uncomfortable. How to rebuild confidence and a new skill, slowly. How to create without attaching my self-worth to the outcome and to let go of perfectionism — a big one for me! 

I’m still very much at the start of this. I’m learning to embrace the process instead of obsessing over the result, even if it does sound a bit cliché, because it’s so true!

I’ll get there. Just… slowly. And I'm okay with that now.